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The amazing teen brain. Giedd, Jay N. Scientific American. Jun2015, Vol. 312 Issue 6, p32-37. 6p. 3 Color Photographs. journal article ADOLESCENT psychology NEURAL development COGNITION in adolescence ADAPTABILITY (Personality) PREFRONTAL cortex RISK-taking behavior in adolescence EMOTIONS in adolescence NEUROPLASTICITY BRAIN physiology LIMBIC system physiology AGE distribution AGING COGNITION EMOTIONS MAGNETIC resonance imaging PUBERTY RISK-taking behavior TEENAGERS' conduct of life The article discusses adolescent psychology, neural development including neurons and the myelination process, and risk-taking behavior. The author comments on cognition, emotions and adaptability in adolescence. Brain plasticity and the role of the prefrontal cortex in adolescent behavior are explored. 1400 3467 0036-8733 10.1038/scientificamerican0615-32 102708130 MasterFILE Premier
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Section: ADVANCES NEUROSCIENCE
the amazing teen brain
A mismatch in the maturation of brain networks leaves adolescents open to risky behavior but also allows for leaps in cognition and adaptability IN BRIEF MRI studies show that the teenage brain is not an old child brain or a half-baked adult brain; it is a unique entity characterized by changeability and an increase in networking among brain regions. The limbic system, which drives emotions, intensifies at puberty, but the prefrontal cortex, which controls impulses, does not mature until the 20s. This mismatch makes teens prone to risk taking but also allows them to adapt readily to their environment. Earlier onset of puberty in children worldwide is expanding the years during which the mismatch occurs. Greater understanding of the teen brain should help parents and society better distinguish typical behavior from mental illness while helping teens become the people they want to be.
Neuroscientists have explained the risky, aggressive or just plain baffling behavior of teenagers as the product of a brain that is somehow compromised. Groundbreaking research in the past 10 years, however, shows that this view is wrong. The teen brain is not defective. It is not a half-baked adult brain, either. It has been forged by evolution to function differently from that of a child or an adult.
Foremost among the teen brain's features is its ability to change in response to the environment by modifying the communications networks that connect brain regions. This special changeability, or plasticity, is a double-edged sword. It allows teenagers to make enormous strides in thinking and socialization. But the morphing landscape also makes them vulnerable to dangerous behaviors and serious mental disorders.
The most recent studies indicate that the riskiest behaviors arise from a mismatch between the maturation of networks in the limbic system, which drives emotions and becomes turboboosted in puberty, and the maturation of networks in the pre-frontal cortex, which occurs later and promotes sound judgment and the control of impulses. Indeed, we now know that the pre-frontal cortex continues to change prominently until well into a person's 20s. And yet puberty seems to be starting earlier, extending the "mismatch years."
The plasticity of networks linking brain regions -- and not the growth of those regions, as previously thought -- is key to eventually behaving like an adult. Understanding that, and knowing that a widening gap between the development of emotional and judgment networks is happening in young people today, can help parents, teachers, counselors and teenagers themselves. People will better see that behaviors such as risk taking, sensation seeking, and turning away from parents and toward peers are not signs of cognitive or emotional problems. They are a natural result of brain development, a normal part of
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adolescents learning how to negotiate a complex world.
The same understanding can also help adults decide when to intervene. A 15-year-old girl's departure from her parents' tastes in clothing, music or politics may be a source of consternation for Mom and Dad but does not indicate mental illness. A 16-year-old boy's propensity to skateboard without a helmet or to accept risky dares from friends is not trivial but is more likely a manifestation of short-range thinking and peer pressure than a desire to hurt himself. Other exploratory and aggressive actions might be red flags, however. Knowing more about the unique teen brain will help all of us learn how to separate unusual behavior that is age-appropriate from that which might indicate illness. Such awareness could help society reduce the rates of teen addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, motor vehicle accidents, unwanted pregnancy, homicide, depression and suicide.
GREATER CONNECTIVITY FEW PARENTS OF A TEENAGER will be surprised to hear that the brain of a 16-year-old is different from the brain of an eight-year-old. Yet researchers have had difficulty pinning down these differences in a scientific way. Wrapped in a tough, leathery membrane, surrounded by a protective moat of fluid and completely encased in bone, the brain is well protected from falls, attacks from predators -- and the curiosity of scientists.
The invention of imaging technologies such as computerized tomography and positron-emission tomography has offered some progress, but because these techniques emit ionizing radiation, it was unethical to use them for exhaustive studies of youth. The advent of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) finally provided a way to lift the veil, offering a safe and accurate way to study the anatomy and physiology of the brain in people of all ages. Ongoing studies are tracking thousands of twins and single individuals throughout their lives. The consistent theme that is emerging is that the adolescent brain does not mature by getting larger; it matures by having its different components become more interconnected and by becoming more specialized.
In MRI scans, the increase in connectivity among brain regions is indicated as greater volumes of white matter. The "white" in white matter comes from a fatty substance called myelin, which wraps and insulates the long wire, or axon, that extends from a neuron's body. Myelination -- the formation of this fatty sheath -- takes place from childhood through adulthood and significantly speeds up the conduction of nerve impulses among neurons. Myelinated axons transmit signals up to 100 times faster than unmyelinated ones.
Myelination also accelerates the brain's information processing by helping axons recover quickly after they fire so that they are ready to send another message. Quicker recovery time allows up to a 30-fold increase in the frequency with which a given neuron can transmit information. The combination of faster transmission and shorter recovery time provides a 3,000fold increase in the brain's computational bandwidth between infancy and adulthood, permitting extensive and elaborate networking among brain
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regions.
Recent investigations are revealing another, more nuanced role for myelin. Neurons integrate information from other neurons but only fire to pass it on if the incoming input exceeds a certain electrical threshold. If the neuron fires, that action initiates a series of molecular changes that strengthens the synapses, or connections, between that neuron and the input neurons.
This strengthening of connections forms the basis for learning. What researchers themselves are now learning is that for input from nearby and distant neurons to arrive simultaneously at a given neuron, the transmission must be exquisitely timed, and myelin is intimately involved in the fine-tuning of this timing. As children become teenagers, the rapid expansion of myelin increasingly joins and coordinates activities in different parts of the brain on a variety of cognitive tasks.
Scientists can now measure this changing interconnectivity by applying graph theory, a type of mathematics that quantifies the relation between "nodes" and "edges" in a network. Nodes can be any object or detectable entity, such as a neuron or a brain structure like the hippocampus or a larger region such as the prefrontal cortex. Edges can be any connections among nodes, from a physical connection such as a synapse between neurons to a statistical correlation such as when two parts of the brain are activated similarly during a cognitive task.
Graph theory has helped me and others to measure how different brain regions develop and become interconnected to one another and to correlate such features with changes in behavior and cognition. Brain changes are not confined to adolescence. Most brain circuits develop in the womb, and many continue to change throughout life, well beyond the teen years. It turns out, however, that during that period there is a dramatic increase in connectivity among brain regions involved in judgment, getting along with others and long-range planning -- abilities that profoundly influence the remainder of a person's life.
TIME TO SPECIALIZE AS THE WHITE MATTER along neurons is developing with age in adolescents, another change is taking place. Brain development, like other complex processes in nature, proceeds by a one-two punch of overproduction, followed by selective elimination. Like Michelangelo's David emerging from a block of marble, many cognitive advances arise during a sculpting process in which unused or maladaptive brain cell connections are pruned away. Frequently used connections, meanwhile, are strengthened. Although pruning and strengthening occur throughout our lives, during adolescence the balance shifts to elimination, as the brain tailors itself to the demands of its environment.
Specialization arises as unused connections among neurons are eliminated, decreasing the brain's gray matter. Gray matter consists largely of unmyelinated structures such as neuron cell bodies, dendrites (antennalike projections from the cells that receive information from other neurons) and certain axons.
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Overall, gray matter increases during childhood, reaches a maximum around age 10 and declines through adolescence. It levels off during adulthood and declines somewhat further in senescence. The pattern also holds for the density of receptor cells on neurons that respond to neurotransmitters -- molecules such as dopamine, serotonin and glutamate that modulate communication among brain cells.
Although the raw amount of gray matter tops out around puberty, full development of different brain regions occurs at different times. Gray matter, it turns out, peaks earliest in what are called primary sensorimotor areas devoted to sensing and responding to sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. It peaks latest in the prefrontal cortex, crucial to executive functioning, a term that encompasses a broad array of abilities, including organization, decision making and planning, along with the regulation of emotion.
An important feature of the prefrontal cortex is the ability to create hypothetical what-ifs by mental time travel -- to consider past, present and possible future outcomes by running simulations in our mind instead of subjecting ourselves to potentially dangerous reality. As philosopher Karl Popper phrased it, instead of putting ourselves in harm's way, "our theories die in our stead." As we mature cognitively, our executive functioning also makes us more likely to choose larger, longer-term rewards over smaller, shorter-term ones.
The prefrontal cortex is also a key component of circuitry involved in social cognition -- our ability to navigate complex social relationships, discern friend from foe, find protection within groups and carry out the prime directive of adolescence: to attract a mate.
Adolescence is therefore marked by changes in gray matter and in white matter that together transform the networking among brain regions as the adult brain takes shape. The prefrontal cortex functions are not absent in teenagers; they are just not as good as they are going to get. Because they do not fully mature until a person's 20s, teens may have trouble controlling impulses or judging risks and rewards.
A MISMATCH IN MATURATION UNLIKE THE PREFRONTAL CORTEX, the hormone-fueled limbic system undergoes dramatic changes at the time of puberty, which traditionally begins between ages 10 and 12. The system regulates emotion and feelings of reward. It also interacts with the prefrontal cortex during adolescence to promote novelty seeking, risk taking and a shift toward interacting with peers. These behaviors, deeply rooted in biology and found in all social mammals, encourage tweens and young teens to separate from the comfort and safety of their families to explore new environments and seek outside relationships. These behaviors diminish the likelihood of inbreeding, creating a healthier genetic population, but they can also pose substantial dangers, especially when mixed with modern temptations such as easy access to drugs, firearms and high-speed motor vehicles, unchecked by sound judgment.
What most determines teen behavior, then, is not so much the late development of executive functioning or the early onset of emotional behavior but a mismatch in the timing of the two developments. If young
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teens are emotionally propelled by the limbic system, yet prefrontal control is not as good as it is going to get until, say, age 25, that leaves a decade of time during which imbalances between emotional and contemplative thinking can reign. Furthermore, puberty starting at an earlier age, as is the case worldwide, lengthens the gap of time between the onset of increased risk taking and sensation seeking and the rise of a strong, stabilizing prefrontal cortex.
The lengthening mismatch supports the growing notion that the teen years are no longer synonymous with adolescence. Adolescence, which society defines as the transition from childhood to adulthood, begins in biology with the onset of puberty but ends in a social construct when a person achieves independence and assumes adult roles. In the U.S., attainment of an adult role -- often characterized by such events as getting married, having a child and owning a home -- is occurring approximately five years later than in the 1970s.
The large influence of social factors in determining what constitutes an adult has led some psychologists to suggest that adolescence is less of a biological reality than a product of changes in child rearing since the industrial revolution. Yet twin studies, which examine the relative effects of genes and environment by following twins who have different experiences, refute the view that social factors can substantially override the biology. They show that the pace of biological maturation of white and gray matter can be influenced somewhat by the environment but that the fundamental timing is under biological control. Sociologists see this, too; risk taking, sensation seeking and a move toward peers happen in all cultures, although the degree can vary.
VULNERABILITY AND OPPORTUNITY THE GRAY MATTER, white matter and networking developments detected by MRI underscore the observation that the most striking feature in teen brain development is the extensive changes that occur. In general, this plasticity decreases throughout adulthood, and yet we humans still retain a level of plasticity far longer than any other species.
Protracted maturation and prolonged plasticity allow us to "keep our options open" in the course of our own development, as well as the entire species' evolution. We can thrive everywhere from the frigid North Pole to hot islands on the equator. With technologies developed by our brain, we can even live in vessels orbiting our planet. Back 10,000 years ago -- a blink of an eye in evolutionary terms -- we spent much of our time securing food and shelter. Today many of us spend most of our waking hours dealing with words and symbols -- which is particularly noteworthy, given that reading is only 5,000 years old.
Prolonged plasticity has served our species well but creates vulnerabilities in addition to opportunities. Adolescence is the peak time of emergence for several types of mental illnesses, including anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, depression, eating disorders, psychosis and substance abuse. Surprisingly, 50 percent of the mental illnesses people experience emerge by age 14, and 75 percent start by age 24.
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The relation between typical adolescent brain changes and the onset of psychopathology is complicated, but one underlying theme may be that "moving parts get broken." The idea is that the extensive changes in white matter, gray matter and networking increase the chance for problems to arise. For example, almost all the abnormal brain findings in adult schizophrenia resemble the typical changes of adolescent brain development gone too far.
In many other ways, adolescence is the healthiest time of life. The immune system, resistance to cancer, tolerance to heat and cold, and other traits are at their greatest. Despite physical robustness, however, serious illness and death are 200 to 300 percent higher for teens than for children. Motor vehicle accidents, the number-one cause, account for about half of teen deaths. Homicide and suicide rank second and third. Unwanted teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and behavior leading to incarceration are also high, imposing tough, lifelong consequences.
So what can doctors, parents, teachers and teens themselves do about these pitfalls? For clinicians, the paucity of novel medications in psychiatry and the propensity of the adolescent brain to respond to environmental challenges suggest that nonmedication interventions may be most fruitful -- especially early in teen development, when white matter, gray matter and networking are changing fast. Treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder is one example; behavioral interventions that trigger the obsessive impulse but gradually modify a person's response may be highly effective and could prevent a lifetime of disability. Appreciating that the brain is changeable throughout the teen years obliterates the notion that a youth is a "lost cause." It offers optimism that interventions can change a teenager's life course.
More study will help, too. The infrastructure for adolescent research is not well developed, funding for this work is meager and few neuroscientists specialize in this age group. The good news is that as researchers clarify the mechanisms and influences of adolescent brain developments, more resources and scientists are being drawn into the field, eager to minimize risks for teenagers and harness the incredible plasticity of the teen brain.
Understanding that the adolescent brain is unique and rapidly changing can help parents, society and teens themselves to better manage the risks and grasp the opportunities of the teenage years. Knowing that prefrontal executive functions are still under construction, for example, may help parents to not overreact when their daughter suddenly dyes her hair orange and instead take solace in the notion that there is hope for better judgment in the future. Plasticity also suggests that constructive dialogue between parents and teens about issues such as freedoms and responsibilities can influence development.
Adolescents' inherent capacity to adapt raises questions about the impact of one of the biggest environmental changes in history: the digital revolution. Computers, video games, cell phones and apps have in the past 20 years profoundly affected the way teens learn, play and interact. Voluminous information is available, but the quality varies greatly. The skill of the future will not be to remember facts but to critically evaluate a vast expanse of data, to discern signal from noise, to synthesize content and to
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apply that synthesis to real-world problem solving. Educators should challenge the adolescent brain with these tasks, to train its plasticity on the demands of the digital age.
Greater society has some compelling opportunities as well. For one thing, it could be more focused on harnessing the passion, creativity and skills of the unique adolescent development period. Society should also realize that the teen years are a turning point for a life of peaceful citizenship, aggression or, in rare cases, radicalization. Across all cultures, adolescents are the most vulnerable to being recruited as soldiers and terrorists, as well as the most likely to be influenced to become teachers and engineers. Greater understanding of the teen brain could also help judges and jurors reach decisions in criminal trials.
For teens themselves, the new insights of adolescent neuroscience should encourage them to challenge their brain with the kinds of skills that they want to excel at for the remainder of their lives. They have a marvelous opportunity to craft their own identity and to optimize their brain according to their choosing for a data-rich future that will be dramatically different from the present lives of their parents.
MORE TO EXPLORE The Primal Teen: What the New Discoveries about the Teenage Brain Tell Us about Our Kids. Barbara Strauch. Doubleday, 2003. Development of Brain Structural Connectivity between Ages 12 and 30: A 4-Tesla Diffusion Imaging Study in 439 Adolescents and Adults. Emily L. Dennis et al. in NeuroImage, Vol. 64, pages 671-684; January 1, 2013. Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. Laurence Steinberg. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2014. FROM OUR ARCHIVES The Myth of the Teen Brain. Robert Epstein; Scientific American Mind, April/May 2007. A NEW VIEW
Greater Networking Brings Maturity The most significant change taking place in an adolescent brain is not the growth of brain regions but the increase in communications among groups of neurons. When an analytical technique called graph theory is applied to data from MRI scans, it shows that from ages 12 to 30, connections between certain brain regions or neuron groups become stronger (black lines that get thicker). The analysis also shows that certain regions and groups become more widely connected (green circles that get larger). These changes ultimately help the brain to specialize in everything from complex thinking to being socially adept.
ROOTS OF RISK TAKING
Emotion vs. Control Teenagers are more likely than children or adults to engage in risky behavior, in part because of a
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mismatch between two major brain regions. Development of the hormone-fueled limbic system (purple), which drives emotions, intensifies as puberty begins (typically between ages 10 to 12), and the system matures over the next several years. But the prefrontal cortex (green), which keeps a lid on impulsive actions, does not approach full development until a decade later, leaving an imbalance during the interim years. Puberty is starting earlier, too, boosting hormones when the prefrontal cortex is even less mature.
PHOTO (COLOR): Limbic region
PHOTO (COLOR): Increasing Communications among Brain Regions over Time
PHOTO (COLOR)
~~~~~~~~ By Jay N. Giedd
Jay N. Giedd is chair of the division of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, and a professor at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. He is also editor in chief of the journal Mind, Brain, and Education.
Scientific American is a registered trademark of Nature America, Inc. and its content may not be copied or emailed to multiple sites or posted to a listserv without the copyright holder's express written permission. However, users may print, download, or email articles for individual use.
The questions:
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Question One: (four possible points)
The Japanese preschool gives children 50% of their day in preschool as free play.
What did we learn in this course that explains what that much free unstructured play offers children?
Length: A short paragraph is fine here.
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Question Two: (four possible points)
A. Please define “what equality in schooling” means and also what “equity in schooling” means. (PLEASE see link below for article pertaining to this question)
Finnish education chief: ‘We created a school system based on equality’
http://chalkboard.tol.org/finnish-education-chief-we-created-a-school-system-based-on-equality/
B. If you or your children attended or are attending American schools (elementary, middle, and high school) Do you believe American education is built on either or both of these concepts? Please carefully explain your answer.
Two or three paragraphs, double-spaced is fine here.
Note: If you are not familiar with American schools, please let me know here.
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Question Three: (four possible points)
What is the gap that Giedd discusses in his Week Six eReserve article “ The Amazing Teen Brain”
A. What is this gap? Please define it.
B. Why does this gap matter to parents and teens?
C. What role should parents play to help their teen during this “gap” time.
Please write two or three paragraphs, double-spaced.
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Question Four: (four possible points)
A. What changes need to occur in parenting behaviors as a child becomes a teen?
B. Why are these changes necessary?
Two or three paragraphs, double-spaced, is fine here.
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Question Five (four possible points)
A. What is Richard Lerner’s view of the things parents should help their teens do?
Length: One paragraph or two, double-spaced, is fine here.
B. Please discuss how Dr.Lerner's ideas about working with teens differ from the way you grew up and were parented. One or two paragraphs is fine.
________________________________________________________________
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Week Six Learning Resources:
Note: These readings will help you with the final exam. You might get a head start on the final exam by reading carefully now. (I am redesigning the final exam, but it will be based, in part, on these readings.)
1. Smithsonian Magazine. Interview with Richard Lerner, psychologist, Medford, MA. This one-page interview is an eReserve for our course. Citation:: Jaffee,Eric.,(September 2007). Richard Lerner. (Smithsonian Magazine, vol.38, Issue 6, page 28-28.)
2. Lerner, Richard M. (2007). The Good Teen. (New York: The Stonesong Press). Chapter 6: Character, pp. 137-162. This article is an eReserve for our course. It is found under Course Resources/eReserves/Week Six.
3. Giedd, J. N. (June, 2015) The Amazing teen Brain. Scientific American, vol 312, no.6, pp. 33-37. This article is an eReserve for our course. It is found under Course Resources/eReserves/Week Six. Please read this very interesting article, not for the neuroscience, but for the main points. You are not requested to learn the neuroscience, just think about the main findings and the implications for us as parents.
4. Instructor’s lecture notes on adolescents in the family. They are here below:
Lecture notes: Adolescents in the family:
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As children reach pre-adolescence and adolescence, both parents need to turn from control and punishment to conversation, trust, and positive rewards of more adult privileges. Doing this you will gain the opportunity to support and guide your teens through adolescence and to be their sounding board for ideas. You will also support their trying out internal (intrinsic) control as you gradually leave off using external (extrinsic) controls that seemed appropriate for much younger children. That is to say, it is time for them to fly free. My mother always said to me (and I think it came from Kahlil Gibran, the Syrian-American philosopher and artist) that the measure of your success as a parent is the extent to which your children can fly away free and succeed.
In a positive regime household, you have turned attention away from threats and groundings and gifts contingent on future good behavior (another form of threat), to praise and offering teens additional adult privileges. You also have kept alive the communication channels in which your teen can talk to you to help decide what courses of action are ethical or moral.
Moving from extrinsic to intrinsic control: As your children reach pre-adolescence and adolescence, both parents need to turn from control and punishment to conversation, trust, and positive rewards. It is time for them to fly free, and you have the middle school and high school years to prepare them if you have a positive system running in your household. If you instead have a grounding and threats system and strong control and discipline in your household your teen is unlikely to confide in you or ask you for advice in making a decision. If you are trying to hit a teen or shouting at her or him, him, or grounding the teen, you cannot expect your teen to bring up serious issues to discuss with you and your teen cannot expect you to be a non-judgmental listener. Ouch! Let’s turn that last very negative sentence around: You can change your behavior to help meet your teen’s needs, and that can open up a line of communication and trust. That is what Richard Lerner interview and readings are all about.
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Understanding the Giedd article "The Amazing Teen Brain" (eReserve, week 6): The limbic system (big, frightening adult emotions) matures at puberty, but the prefontal cortex (the brakes on the system, inhibition, planning, decision making) does not fully mature and connections to it are not fully myelinated (insulated) until the the teen is in her or his late 20s. This recent discovery helps explain difficulty teens have in decision-making and in reining in their emotions. It also explains why teens need to discuss decisions and issues with a patient, non-judgmental listener, hopefully a parent or both parents.
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Adolescence is a time to adjust your parenting style. Just as you got very good at the system you run in your home, and to the level of control you have over your teen, your teen has changed from a child to a young, unfinished adult who deserves to learn how to be a responsible, pleasant adult who can be trusted and who will bring confusing issues to you. Now instead of giving orders, you are a consultant, a non-judgmental consultant who is available for listening and conversation.
You need to start around the beginning of middle school, which is a very difficult transition for many youngsters, to find congenial ways to work with your teen and establish a good, nonjudgmental listening ability to help your teen with decisions. By seventh grade young teens have developed adult cognitive judgment abilities, so they are ready, actually “itching” to take this new reasoning out for a spin. This is the indicator that you now have a new and different role as you gently guide them as they try out their own values you taught them in the past.
And, if I haven’t brought in this favorite quotation of mine, here it is: Confucius says the wise ruler models the behavior he expects from his subjects. That is, your teens are watching how you communicate with family members, with a spouse, with children. Serious respect and kindly communications should be the rule of the day. You must be keenly aware that you are the model for behavior now more than ever. Your anger will swiftly be matched and overwhelmed by your teen’s anger, so collect your thoughts carefully before you boil over.
Moving from control to trust: As your children reach pre-adolescence and adolescence, both parents need to turn from control and punishment to conversation, trust, and positive rewards.
Listen: Be a totally nonjudgmental listener. Be available for your teen to talk to you. Recognize that teens have the logical capability to consider a vast number of hypothetical possibilities and they wish to raise and talk about and mull over every single one of them (!) and they need your help and suggestions (not demands) so they can make their own decisions well.
Supporting Healthy Identity Development and Handling Consequences of Teenagers’ New Cognitive Capacities: Two great text boxes:
There are two excellent text boxes in an assigned reading that is on eReserves. These two text boxes are wonderful gems of information about how to deal happily with teens.
Here is the Reserved Reading:
Berk, Laura A. Development Through the Lifespan, 4th Edition. This is an eReserve for Week Six.
The first text box is titled “Handling Everyday Consequences of Teenagers’ New Cognitive Capacities,” and it is found on page 385. The reading around the box further explains the issues of imaginary audience and personal fable.
The second text box is in the same eReserve reading, but is found on page 405. It is titled “Supporting Healthy Identity Development.” Again, text around the box will be very helpful to read.
These two text boxes contain the most helpful information you will find in this course to assist you in understanding and working with your teens.
Respect: Treat your teen with great respect in every encounter. Confucius: The Wise Leader models the behavior he expects from his subjects. Model very respectful behavior to your spouse or partner, in case your behavior has “slipped.” (My husband and I had to shape ourselves up a little at this point!) You are showing your teen how to be an adult, so at every moment, they are watching to see what you do and say and they will copy you. Sadly, you need to be on your best behavior. It makes a huge difference! My husband and I worked hard to “clean up our act” (though it wasn’t too bad, I thought) and it made a difference. Whatever you do or say you are modeling exactly the tone of voice and the facial expressions you expect of your teen.
Honor: Helping your teen recognize that everything you do from now on reflects on the honor and the pride of this family. You are now a fully functioning young person who can bring honor (or shame) to this entire family. Talk about dinner time as “where this family resides.” Some who work nights—find another time, perhaps breakfasts or Saturday and Sunday dinner?
Pride and pleasure: Making dinner time or meal time sacrosanct. The dining room table is a place where everybody behaves politely and respectfully and everybody has a good time and everyone has interesting and fun things to contribute. All cell phones and electronics are left in another room. TV is turned off.
We had dinner together at the table every night, even when dinner might be a selection of reheated leftovers. From the time the children were born we had them at the table (maybe in a baby carrier!) and we often had guests, so dinnertime was always a very special time for us and children were valued colleagues at the table. When our kids became teens, we began to have students living with us, and every weekend we fed them (starving grad students!) and we also invited my Ph.D. advisor to dinner. The grad students who lived with us also were encouraged to invite their friends, girlfriends, etc. Students often cooked dishes for Saturday dinner and we had perhaps 10 to 12 people to dinner. So the tradition of “dinner party” events was well established from the time they were young. Our kids at every age always were at the table and part of the party. When our kids began inviting their friends to Saturday night dinners, their friends often struggled to feel comfortable at a dinner party because they had never been invited to such an event or been comfortable talking to adults. However, “regulars” –friends of our kids soon began to enjoy themselves. These were good times.
Choices not orders: Instead of “chores” I gave my kids a choice: about dinner: You can either help me cook dinner or you can do the dishes. They became excellent cooks! My husband, miraculously began doing the dishes! Instead of “Clean your room right now!” I ask if they will have time before guests come on Friday to clean his room. Don’t demand a certain time or don’t demand anything “right now!”
We were always at home: Why kids hung out at our house on weekends and not at other houses? I would vastly prefer that teens hang out at our house and not at someone else’s house, since most parents go somewhere Friday or Saturday or Sunday nights, and I do not want teens alone in a house when parents are not there. We were always home. Went upstairs to our bedroom to watch TV so we are not “around” in their faces, but our door was always wide open.
If friends were coming over, I helped my son clean up anything that needed cleaning up and I made a dessert for his friends.
Parenting: A measure of good parenting is extent to which your teen can fly free successfully
Here is a list of things you need to help your teen become competent at before they leave home: Starts in 6th grade or as late as freshman year of high school, for these things take a long time to master! Where do these things come from? I was trained and served as a mentor for five or six years at Stanford while I was a doctoral student. These are things I noticed students had concerns or problems with, because this was their first time away from home and they had not been prepared by parents.
For parents:
1. Teaching your teen pride in himself, herself: Your message is softer than this, but gets this across to your teen: "You can move forward into a happy life and get out of life what you want, or you can make poor choices that linger with you and damage your reputation, your family’s reputation, and your future." You also need to remind your teen that his or her choices affect the honor and pride of your whole family.
2. Teaching your teen by helping instead of pointing out flaws.
3. Being a nonjudgmental listener to help your teen with decisions.
4. Taking the time to teach your teen to be a safe driver
5. Teaching sex education, birth control, understanding sexual and workplace harassment. Remember, if you cannot discuss these things comfortably or pleasantly with your teen, your teen will look for pals to "educate" him or her. Far better to teach your teen your values. Plan the discussion as if you are speaking to a close adult friend.
6. Modeling responsible drinking at home (mom and dad!) and discussing the issues of addiction at home. Discuss the dangers of smoking. If you need info, please email me: I have an article that demonstrates that addiction begins with the very first cigarette.
For teens: They can be learning to do these things if they have parental help:
1. being responsible for doing their homework without parental questioning, but also asking for help when they need help at school or at home.
2. doing their own laundry,
3. changing sheets (more than once a year!)
4. learning how to cook.
5. cleaning your room, the apartment or house,
6. leaving the sink free of dishes.
7. earning parental trust, and receiving adult privileges in exchange.
For older teens, perhaps junior and senior year of high school:
1. Obtaining and managing a bank account and a debit card,
2. Practicing interviewing for a job (We used to do role playing where I would take the part of the poor kid and my son would take the part of the horrible hiring manager. Good laughter.)
3. holding down a job,
4. conversing comfortably with adults.
5. safely and responsibly driving a car and keeping parents informed about where you are at all times.
6. Setting your own reasonable curfews and keeping them or calling home to explain circumstances and when you will be home.
7. Learning forgiveness, real, honest forgiveness. Learning not to sulk or refuse to speak to others when you are angry. Anger happens and should be over quickly.
8. Learning to harness your newly-found anger, and not taking your new anger out for a spin. Learning that anger hurts everyone around you. Anger trashes all the good things you have done.
9. Managing friendships and relationships, and learning how to end friendships and romantic relationships that are not positive
You have only the years from middle school to the end of high school to teach your child these life skills and lessons before he or she leaves home. So if you are fighting with and grounding your teen, and trying your best to stay in control, you are losing the time you have left to help your teen fly free successfully. The best approach is to start way back in middle school with a praise, not punishment regimen so there is a happy and understanding relationship and warmth in your exchanges with your pre-teen and teen. A major help to teens is to share your personal experiences growing up. Teens love to hear those stories, both good and bad! Sharing your actual journey to adulthood (warts and all!) makes you more human to them.
End of lecture notes.
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